Self-sabotage is going on here, I just realized it. I've finally reached the point where I don't think I can actually get down to my goal size, so I'm just eating to keep myself where I am. Today, I went to Dillard's for the additional 40% off sale and found a gorgeous dress marked down to $30 from $169. It was a size 6, and it fit. Now, I know that I'm not there on my bottom half, but I have three pairs of size 6 pants that are snug, but close to fitting. Am I really that afraid of success? Is that why I stalled in October? The Look Alike is walking now almost all of the time, and that means that I can start taking her to the gym. That opens up anywhere from 4 to nine more hours of gym time per week. I know that I need to bump it up at least three to start making gains in fitness and drop body fat. I'm excited, but maybe I'm clinging to the "old me" so that I don't have to figure out who I am all over again.
Breakfast:
green smoothie (200)
jam and bread (175)
Lunch:
Olive Garden (1150)
I'd forgotten just how terrible the salad is, and of course I had three breadsticks. I might only have had two, but I calculated three, just in case.
Afternoon snack:
lara bar (110)
green smoothie (100)
chocolate (200)
Dinner:
I honestly don't know what all kinds of crap I ate. It was totally out of control.
Probably ate about 2500, couldn't really say. Maybe 2800, who knows. Tomorrow I get back to the gym and back to my goals, with this knowledge that I'm afraid of what being a small person is like. That's all.
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