The Dress

February 3, 2009 – Nicole’s Food Log

I came home from work today and found a package on my porch. Not my Olympic ring… (which I’ve been ANXIOUSLY waiting for since I had to send back the one they sent me when I realized it was, um, the wrong ring!) Oh no, this box was bigger and could only be one thing…

My bridesmaid dress.

Sigh.

Perhaps a pipe bomb would have left me more excited.

Anyhow, I’m in my best friend’s wedding at the end of April and I knew from the get-go that I was going to have problems with the dress.

For starters, when we discussed colors forever ago, the list was all what my friend Alyssa calls “fairy colors.” Pale pink, peach, light green… All very spring.

Whatever. All very “I’m a size 4.”

Ultimately the color my dear friend chose was what could best be described as celery.

But not like the green part of the celery. The reallllly light part on the ends. This is unflattering for several reasons. Um, first off let’s start with the part where I’m gonna look like a cow.

That’s the biggest one. The second is more easily fixable… I’m going to look yellow. See, my skin tone doesn’t work with that kind of color… I come out looking jaundiced to be frank. Colors like that are best for those who are “Paltrow Pale” or “Fresh From Maui Tan.’

And then there’s the part where the dress itself makes me look like someone should be chasing me through a field to herd my ass into a van that says “Burger King.”

See, it’s silky / satiny / clingy. Allegedly a dress that should make one look thinner as there’s this extra material around the waist.

Yeah, that’s a cute thought created by skinny people, ‘cause in this case it ain’t true.

I’d like to say I used the dress as motivation to skip dinner.

But no.

I think I should just get credit for not laying on the bathroom floor and sobbing.

At this stage I have two options… get my ass in gear during the next two months…

OR

Hand the dress to my friend Jill’s pitt bull and tell Paige the TSA must have killed it when I flew.

We’ll see which I go for in April…

Breakfast
Two biscuits (440)
Egg (70)

Lunch
Leftover lasagna (400)
Part of a biscuit (80)

Workout
3.8 miles on treadmill (420 calories burned)

Dinner
Spaghetti (600)
Sauce (70)
Parmesan (60)
EVOO (120)

Calories: 1800

Weight: 72.3kg